My last blog post was over two years ago.
Life just keeps happening and happening.
I read my last post "I'm Not Buying What You're Yelling," (from Feb. 2020) and I felt multiple feelings.
Initially, I was surprised at how long it had been since I had written anything on here, and that was followed by surprise at not remembering much of what I had written. My brain has been so busy with other things and it can only hold so much.
Next was the realization that I cannot remember how long it's been since I had a regular meditation practice. At the time of writing my last post, I was practicing on the regular. I have continued to tell myself, almost daily, that I need to be meditating and doing yoga and yet, I have not restarted either consistently.
I "practice" my meditation a moment or two at a time, and I "yoga" when I'm doing other things. I stretch properly to reach something, lift properly with my legs as I move something, and balance as I’m putting on my shoes. I remember my posture and to "stand in my bones" as I go through my daily activities/work. And I guess that's kind of the point of both, to incorporate them into the little every-moments, but it still feels like I’m only half-assing life.
Last I felt sadness. Not completely sure why that particular feeling came up, but I'll come back to that feeling in the near future.
Quite a few things have changed since February of 2020.
First of all, Covid.
And if that weren't enough.....the home I was in at the time has been relocated to a new location (which was quite a long checklist of activities). The relationship I was in at the time has changed dramatically. I and my youngest have moved from the home we moved, and we are now living with my parents. I am helping them take care of their home, pool, yard, seven acres, and pets (four dogs and a cat, but I swear it feels like there are 17,000 dogs).
Lots of other life has happened as well.
A long and costly custody battle wrapped up, eventually ending in my favor.
I started and ran a food truck for almost a year. Relationship changes brought an end to that endeavor.
I helped a friend through recovery from back surgery, and job hunting.
And now my mother is dealing with recovering from being hospitalized for diverticulitis and kidney issues (she had an extreme sensitivity to the IV contrast for CT scans and her kidney were VERY unhappy).
Oh, and there are some legal issues my dad is dealing with from his business from which he retired. It should all work out well, but damn there's a lot of legal paperwork and I'm so done with legal paperwork.
I often feel like I'm spinning in lots of directions at the same time but never actually making any progress in any of those directions.
If adult-onset ADHD is a thing, I think I could qualify. It may just be that I'm getting older and life has filled up my brain. But jeeze, my brain feels rather broken and tired.
I am going to work at holding myself accountable to meditate more. I know I need it. I want to yoga more as well. And I want to crochet. I have not crocheted much lately, and I need to create.
Gonna do my best to hold myself accountable without judgment, but non-judgement takes practice and I'm out of practice.
I'll try to keep y'all posted, and I'll do my best to show up more often.
Come walk with me.
