I'm

I'm back in my hometown.  I've been living back in east Texas for 5 months now.  I'm adjusting.  Only having my youngest living with me (my teenagers are in Philly) has been quite different.  I went from being a full time mom of three kiddos to daily parenting just one.  I cannot adequately put into words just how it feels to have my family split apart, but I'm breathing through the process and working on mindfully recognizing all the feels and making sure I fully appreciate the happy moments while not ignoring the sads.

My body is still recovering from the stress of the Divorce Years. That's what I'm calling the four years from my ex's initial declaration that he'd like a divorce, until the divorce was finalized.  It's kinda like The Wonder Years, only it's not. There were the two years that I fought to save my marriage followed by the two years we were separated, hammering out the details of the divorce paperwork.  And technically it's not completely over because I'm still waiting on a couple of re-finance deals to get my name off a two more rental properties we owned.  Once that's done, I think the dust can finally start to settle.

However, what I have noticed lately is that I no longer require 10-12 hours of sleep each night.  I know, that's a lot, right!  But it became the norm after the separation.  And just within the last month I've started to find myself being able to get out of bed a little easier having only logged 8 or 9 hours of sleep.

Don't get me wrong, my body is still reeling from all the stress.  My shoulders are ridiculously tight (my purse gets heavy and anyone who knows me knows my purse is always SMALL) and I ache just about everywhere. My joints and muscles ache enough to cause me concern, but I'm trying not to worry, because well, that can't make me better and will definitely make me worse.

I'm trying to be healthier.  I'm working on taking sugar out of my diet (not an easy job) hoping that will help. I have yet to manage a consistent daily yoga practice.  I am afraid I'm about to reach the point where I don't just want to do yoga, or need to yoga, but I HAVE to do yoga.  I know better.  I know I should be doing yoga daily.  I also know that I should not beat myself up for not doing all the things I know I should be doing.

I'm working on learning who I am in this new life of mine.  I'm still a mom, but not a wife.  I'm still homeschooling my youngest, but I'm working.  I am figuring out what it feels like to be a single adult. I'm trying to decide if I like the feeling or not, or even what the feeling is.  I'm reorienting, and getting to know myself.  I'm confused.  I'm happy.  I'm achy.  I'm unsure.  I'm anxious.  I'm settled.  I'm determined.