In This Moment

It's been almost five months since my last entry. I was optimistic about holding myself accountable regarding meditation, yoga, showing up here, and crochet.

 I can happily say I crocheted, a little. 
The rest of the list continued about as sporadically as my previous post mentions...in little spurts throughout my daily activities.  I am grateful for the moments I remembered to be mindful and practice, and while those moments were often and helpful, they were also wonderfully scattered and momentary.

Last year got off to a rather tumultuous beginning. In February I was "starting over" once again, relocating to my parents' home, ending a relationship, wrapping up a business adventure, and taking on more responsibilities around my parents' place.

Then in June and July, we dealt with momma and her being hospitalized for diverticulitis and then kidney failure. That entire situation ended well with colon surgery in October from which momma has fully recovered.  She feels a bit frustrated at times because she has noticed that the tremendous physical stress along with so much hospital time has caused a significant level of brain fog and her memory isn't what it was before the whole ordeal.

She is as feisty as ever though and very glad to have all the medical issues behind her.

Fall was full of recovery for mom and doctor visits for dad.  He hadn't gone in for a regular check-up in a few years, so we got that behind us.  There were a couple of small issues, but nothing too scary. 

The biggest thing lately for daddy has been his full right knee replacement which took place on December 20th.  The replacement went smoothly and recovery was going well then he fell at home on the 27th and busted the stitches open.  He was taken back into surgery to check for damage and infection.  Gratefully neither was present and he is continuing a wonderful, although somewhat tedious recovery.

Daddy likes his independence and being stuck at home unable to drive for a few weeks is not easy for anyone. He is, of course, the most patient and easy going man on the planet, so I have not heard him complain once, but I know he's ready to be back to his usual schedule of coffee at the cafe, bass guitar lessons, church, and clay shooting with his buddies.

I am exceedingly grateful that momma and daddy have both recovered well from all that 2022 threw at them. I am also exceedingly grateful that I was able to be here to walk with them through all of it.

Life in community is truly the only way that life makes sense to me. This world can be such a mess at times. My heart is often overwhelmed by all of the pain and hurt I see in the world. I cannot do much about most of it, but I can be here for my people, and I am so grateful that I have the ability to be here for my parents.

My three kids are all doing well, and for that, I am also deeply grateful. 

The past few years have thrown multiple emotional challenges at them and I have witnessed them hunker down, do the work, and fight through the chaos with courage and determination. I am exceedingly blessed to have them in my life and to have been given the ultimate privilege to be their momma. 

My heart has broken many times over as I have watched them walk through fire after fire from which I could not protect them. Life happens and there are some battles that must be fought by the individual. I have been beside them all along, but at times they have had to be the ones wielding the emotional weapons. 

They are all adding to their emotional toolbox, continually learning personal responsibility, emotional responsibility, self-reflection, vulnerability, how to set healthy boundaries, and the list goes on and on. 

I have witnessed them emerge from the struggles time again stronger, more resilient, and more capable. I will continue to walk beside them in amazement at the strength of character I witness in each of them daily. My heart is full of love and optimism for my kids.

As for me, I am wrapping up the end of my forties. I will turn fifty in February and I am looking forward to a new decade. 

My forties were hands down, the most difficult and challenging decade of my life. The end of a 20+ year marriage, relocating back to Texas, leaving my son behind to complete his senior year in Pennsylvania, helping my kids work through the divorce, dating at mid-life, the beginning and end of a new relationship, and a lengthy custody battle are some of the biggest and more challenging highlights.

I am hoping and praying that life settles into a minutely smoother routine in my fifties. I won't be holding my breath, but so far 2023 appears to be off to a decent start. 

And today is a good day.

I got a fire going in the wood-burning stove this morning. I spent ten minutes in silent mindfulness meditation sitting in front of the fire. I have had a couple hours of quiet time to drink coffee. I have written on this blog. I got to see the full moon setting. I got kitty snuggles and puppy snuggles. My friend is headed over. The sun is shining. 

In this moment, life is all I need it to be.

I will sit in this moment and all the other moments, one at a time. 

 I will continue to breathe and practice mindfulness. 

I will do more yoga. 

I will stay connected to my people. 

I will share my life with my tribe.

I will love with my full heart.

Come walk with me.