It's been almost a full year since I last posted on here. When I think about that my head spins. I have been feeling like writing for a while now, but I hadn't carved out the time and space to actually sit down and write. Today I must take that time. A few things occurred that let me know today is that day.
That whole "sitting down" process has not been going well for me lately. I have not done much actual, formal meditation practice lately. I have taken five minutes here and there throughout the last year, but nothing terribly consistent.
I would not say I have not practiced at all, not in the least. And honestly, a fully incorporated daily practice might actually be more meaningful. Because this is something I have learned to do over time, I find a moment to breathe and notice constantly.
I breathe and notice the sunrise as I prepare my daughter's breakfast.
I breathe and notice the tired cashier as I'm standing in line at the grocery store.
I breathe and notice the leaves rustling in the breeze while waiting to pick up my daughter from school.
I breathe hand notice the calf dancing in the pasture as I wash dishes at the sink.
I breathe and notice the sound of rain dripping off the eaves of the house as I type.
My practice happens like this more often than not. I try to withhold self-judgment and silence the negative voice telling me I'm not doing it right. I notice and breathe. My chest expands, my practice expands, and my heart becomes full.
The events leading up to my determination to write today are fascinating to me.
I have written some about how my theology has shifted, over many years of my life, from that of a very conservative Evangelical Christian more universalist theology. I have been feeling like I needed to write more about this because I've had people ask how I went from one end of the spectrum to the other.
A couple weeks ago I read a blog post (shared on Facebook) about a woman's journey away from her conservative Evangelical faith. She wrote about the fear factor (hell, fire and brimstone preaching) she had been raised with, and I fully related to her story. I sent her a brief email telling her I appreciated her story and thanked her for sharing.
And I thought to myself that I needed to blog again soon.
I have also been catching up on the podcasts from my church in Pennsylvania. Wellsprings Unitarian Universalist Congregation became my lifeline during some of the darkest days of my life (I've referred to these as the Divorce Years). This beautiful spiritual community lifted my soul in ways I never dreamed possible. I found the energy of my pentecostal upbringing in the music and community and a theology of love and grace that jived so perfectly with the path I had been traveling. I will be forever grateful to the ministry of Wellsprings (both pastors and congregants).
I now live in East Texas, but I continue to call Wellsprings my home church. Due to the podcasts from their services I am able to remain connected and charged full with the charge of the soul.
Today, I listened to a special speaker podcast. This speaker was introduced by a dear friend of mine at Wellsprings, Lauren. The speaker, Dave Warnock, talked about his journey away from conservative Evangelical faith along with his path and work after leaving the church. He was a pastor. I had been married to a minister. We had a lot in common in our journeys.
After listening I sent a message to both Lauren and Dave. I thanked them for their willingness to share and let them know I had been blessed by each of them. It can be isolating, at times, living in the buckle of the Bible belt and not having a traditional Christian faith. I had to express my gratitude.
And again, I thought about blogging, sharing some of what I had heard and the warm feeling of connectedness it created in me.
Then, surprisingly, the speaker messaged me back. He mentioned he had a friend in East Texas and he thought we should connect. She had recently deconstructed her conservative Evangelical faith and he thought we would appreciate meeting. That's when I remembered the woman I had thanked for her blog post was actually from another town in East Texas. What would be the odds that his friend and the blogger I had thanked were one and the same?!! Small world indeed.
This is when I knew I had to write. In the spiritual language of my upbringing, one would say God had brought us together. Maybe some are comfortable with that language. Maybe not. Was it a coincidence? Happenstance? Holy Spirit? Energy? Divine Love? Light? The Universe?
Who cares what you call it? Pieces fell into place today, and I am blessed.
I will breathe and notice how the puzzle pieces fell together today.
I will breathe and notice the joy of happenstance.
I will breathe and notice and share this story.
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