It's been a minute or two since I posted anything. Fall came and went and now winter is in full swing.
I'm still working on figuring out who I want to be when I grow up. I've been through a few ideas over the last year. I've been subbing and trying to decide if I want to go back into the classroom full time.
I love the kids, it's all the other stuff that goes along with being a classroom teacher that gives me pause. The connections I make with the kids thrills my soul. I love listening to them talk and getting a glimpse into their world.
I began subbing in the high school a couple of months back, and this was the first time I had done any teaching at that level. I have always subbed in the elementary grades. I love the little ones, but I have come to discover that I really enjoy getting to know the teens as well.
I have also noticed that so many of them just need a listening ear. I'm an extrovert, so interacting with people comes naturally to me. And I've noticed how quickly a teen will open up to me if I simply pay attention to what they are saying. As a sub, this is much easier to do than as a full-time classroom teacher (especially in the high school). I'm basically crowd control in the high school. The classroom teacher leaves an assignment, and I make sure no one acts a fool and that they at least pretend to be doing the work. :)
Then, I get to just talk with the kids. Or I get to just sit and listen to them talk and interact with each other. I enjoy it very much. I've been surprised at how easily some of the kids will open up to me when they can see that I'm really paying attention to what they are saying.
I had more support as a teen than anyone can imagine. Both of my parents attended my school events And I mean every school event (sports, music, club activities, etc). They didn't miss a thing. And they weren't just there, they were there with camera and video camera in hand. I knew I was loved unconditionally and they were truly interested in my life. I also know that for many kiddos, this is not the case. Life does not always go smoothly for parents and thus becomes rocky for the kids as well.
So my mind began churning regarding how to be able to be there for those kids who need more support than home is able to provide.
I want to be a listening ear.
In a conversation with a friend recently we were discussing how people are responsible for their own decisions. I said that broken people break people. His response was that broken people can choose not to break people. He stated that people who are living in a shitty situation can choose to rise above it or to repeat the pattern. I agreed but pointed out that, in my experience, in every situation where the pattern had been broken, there was at least one person who spoke love into the troubled life. It may not have been a parent, but it was someone, at least one.
I want to find a way to be that one.
I want these kids to know that someone cares, truly cares.
I want them to know that I will listen, and I will love them, and I will cheer them on as they navigate this mess we call life. I want them to know they are loved. My heart swells with love and compassion for these kiddos.
I'm trying to discern how best to fulfill this longing in my soul. What is the proper path forward for me in order to provide support for the kids in my little community?
I'm thinking about getting my masters in counseling. Maybe that would open up the door for me to listen and help.
I'm trying to listen to my heart and work with the feelings that arise. I'm beginning to notice how my heart feels full and whole when I'm helping others reach their full potential.
I'll keep you posted!
