That's what I'm going through right now. For over twenty years I've dedicated myself to my job. I showed up every day, rain or shine, and did my best to do my best. I have been faithful to my company and committed to my career. It has not always been easy. And there have certainly been days when I considered throwing in the towel. The phrase, "take this job and shove it" is well known for a reason. But I stayed.
I had plans to work through to retirement. I had a vision for my future and it always included this career. I have not ever considered other job opportunities. I have been happy, hopeful, engaged, and energetic.
Sometimes this just isn't enough. Sometimes for reasons beyond our control or our comprehension someone must be let go. Downsizing happens. This process is not unfamiliar in today's world. I'm certainly not the only one whose future turned on a dime. There are lots of people who have had to rebuild later into their career. I am now one of those people.
I'm a forty something, slightly gray-headed, woman who finds herself standing at the edge of tomorrow with no idea of what tomorrow may hold.
Before, I felt like I knew where I was heading, and there was definitely a clear direction.
Now I'm not so sure.
I have been downsized and I'm struggling to fully grasp just how I feel about the situation.
Part of me wonders if there was something I could have done to avoid this. Is there a way I could have worked harder? Something I could have done to prove I was worth keeping? Could I have put in more hours? Where did I go wrong? What details did I miss? Did I drop the ball?
The other part of me knows that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I gave my job my all. I did everything I could do. I worked as hard as possible. I poured myself into my career.
I was downsized anyway.
Am I a failure? Or have I found freedom?
I choose freedom. Instead of wondering what could have been, I'm going to focus on what will be.
I will walk away with my head held high.
Tomorrow is no longer the familiar place I dreamed about, but it is certainly an exciting place. The path laid out before me vanished, and a blank canvas has appeared.
I'm no artist, but I think I'll give this a go. I'm afraid and hesitant. I don't like to make mistakes. I've never been one to really take chances.
Recently a friend checked a children's book out from the library for me. It's title "Ish," by Peter H. Reynolds. Below is the summary about the book,
"Drawing is what Ramon does. It¹s what makes him happy. But in one split second, all that changes. A single reckless remark by Ramon's older brother, Leon, turns Ramon's carefree sketches into joyless struggles. Luckily for Ramon, though, his little sister, Marisol, sees the world differently. She opens his eyes to something a lot more valuable than getting things just "right." Combining the spareness of fable with the potency of parable, Peter Reynolds shines a bright beam of light on the need to kindle and tend our creative flames with care. "
I will embrace my new found freedom and learn to discover my own creative abilities. My canvas will be colorful and full of life.
Will it be perfect? It will be perfect-ish.
Will it be extraordinary? It will be extraordinary-ish.
Will it be beautiful? Absolutely!
I am determined to enjoy the creative challenge that has been placed before me. What will I be when I grow up? Who knows? Tomorrow is mine for the discovery.
Come walk with me!
